blessed my life and heart and spirit.
I'm A firm believer that EVERYONE wants to dance - this fact has been dubiously confirmed every time I teach a choreography unit. This past semester the assignment was a dance off to Thriller - guys v. girls and the results were amazing and hilarious at the same time. (and for the record - 2nd block boys are still the reigning champs!)
For the past two years, I've taken various dance classes from jazz to latin to bellydance (it's all hips and fanny and I've got PLENTY to work with !!) A year ago I started taking a tap class. Now when I was 6, I had this big photo book of a girl who was a little older than me, and the book told her story of being in the nutcracker with the American Ballet Co. in New York. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a dancer, but genetics and my clumsy factor did NOT agree. Until two years ago - when one just DOES not matter what the inner "but...." list kicks in. Obviously I'm a Broadway junkie (I mean let's just be honest - I'm a gay man) and so Tap seemed the obvious choice. Not only do I like it, but I'm pretty decent at it (not Savion by a long shot, but I can hold my own). On the flip side of this -I've been at quite a "doldrum" place between places - the wood between the worlds if you will. Leaving for Zim in a couple of months - shutting down everything here - trying to make time for people, but knowing there's already that emotional-self-preservation that's kicking in. Hoping upon hope that the petit-bebe's truly understand that I am NOT abandoning them recklessly. I don't have time or space for new people, as I'll be an ocean and a continent away. I've desperately missed the intimacy of a small group and this tap class - unwtittingly so - marvelously filled that void.
In a culture that pits women against women - survival of the prettiest, skinniest, richest, best mom, cleanest homemaker, blah blah blah - we as women are programed to compete from practically birth. The other side of that coin is guilt - women who don't feel they measure up -feel in a constant state of guilt that they don't DO enough aren't enough. After cancer, when I was well enough to strengthen up my body - I joined a gym and started going to classes. From aqua aerobics, to spin to sculpt and what not - the common denominator was that most of these classes were comprised of women - not skinny -shallow -sorority -Sally's either. But real women - with complicated lives and hundreds of body types. And I would at first shyly observe and then feel as one of them. And it's a beautiful process. It's been just that with Tap class - to be folded in and loved on in a season where I've felt like such an outsider from most of the world - unless I'm ensconced in my Theatre with the Vagabonds.
This morning was my last class - and they gave me a blank book in which to write out steps - I'm constantly writing steps and choreography on slips of paper. Val created this beautiful 3D rendition of the logo and everyone wrote me a sweet note of encouragement. That gesture was unbelievably kind and inclusive - two factors that I seek to find and seek to BE.
Dance on.
